god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
