you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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