I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
