My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
