i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Someone signed my nipple.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
