I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Damn victory sex feels great
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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