I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
