College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
