i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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