Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
