You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I had to cum in my sink.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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