a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my shit smells like andre
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
