hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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