As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
