remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize