when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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