The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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