Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
