Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
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They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
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Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize