my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
