Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
