This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize