So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
