Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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