College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
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I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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