I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
