Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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