new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
