I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
