I'm passing your future prison.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Sorry my hands just texted you
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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