It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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