Who did Billy Mays play for?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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