it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
