Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
