I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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