Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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