roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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