I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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