I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
