Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
