Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
