how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
