Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
