dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
