Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
