the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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