i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
