I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
