Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
