There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
