Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
