everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
