Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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