I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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