After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
