the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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