I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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