I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
